stop the mom-shame game
It really breaks my heart to see how carelessly people, women, and fellow mothers can throw around words criticizing other mothers. It's mean, it's hurtful and it's completely unnecessary.
One of my biggest pet peeves when driving, is when other drivers don't stay in their lane. The most frustrating part about it - they're almost never focused on driving. They're either talking to someone else, talking with the phone in their hand, or clearly texting/social media-ing... distracted by whatever else is going on, not paying attention to what's more important (driving the car), and then swerving in and out of their lane because they're not focused on the correct thing.
I feel like mom-shaming is the same deal.
To the woman/man/mother who feels the need to put down a mother for any single thing they're doing: DON'T. Stay focused on what's right in front of you, and stay in your own lane, please.
As women, it's already rough trying to be the right body type, have our makeup perf, and also have that dewey glow without makeup, oh and wake up with the cutest bed head and have the most amazing eating and working routines. It's kind of ridiculous how much pressure there is on women to be an ideal person.
Then, when she becomes a mother, Lord forbid she breastfeeds in public... or wait, she can't breastfeed, but how dare she feed her child a bottle when she has perfectly good (and free) boobs to feed her baby from. You make your own baby food? My goodness you're so crunchy. You buy your baby food? Wow that's way too much money spent. You lost your pregnancy weight right away? Oh man, you must not be healthy or eating enough! Wow, you're still the same size you were when you had that baby... a year ago, better get that gym membership! Oh your baby is how big? Yea, you should make sure he's eating more/less... clearly not healthy since my baby was never that size at that age. Can you please stop saying how annoyed you are with your kids? Stop complaining *says the woman pregnant with her first child, husband works dream job and both get to have dinner together every night to the military wife, pregnant with 3 other kids while her husband is away for months*
I think you get it. It's ridiculous. All of it. If you want to nap while your baby naps every day... then do it if it's what is best for you as a person. If you workout and get the dishes done while your baby naps, then that's so great for you (and give me your tips ;). Whatever works for you - do that. Seriously. In any aspect. What's shared on social media is so limited to what's happening behind the scenes. You don't know what they're going through. You can maybe imagine it based on what is shared, but you don't KNOW it. You're not them. You haven't walked in their shoes throughout their life; you haven't gone days and days as this woman, with their kids, and their life story. You don't know why they're reacting the way they are, you don't know why they made decision they've made, so just don't worry about it!
You know what you can say?
How can I help? How can I pray for you today? What coffee can I bring you? I'm praying for you and I hope you have a great day! You're not alone sister, hang in there! I'm sure it's so hard, but know that I'm here if you need to chat.
Keep it positive. Even if you disagree, just remember you literally don't know the whole story. You haven't walked their life shoes. You haven't walked a day as who this person, woman, mother is. If you have nothing nice to say, then just don't say anything. It takes less effort anyways ;)
Have grace. On yourself, on the woman in line at Target with the screaming child, on the mama having a hard time on Instagram and sharing about it there because she obviously doesn't have anywhere else to vent it to. Just be there for each other instead of judging. It's okay to parent differently! It's okay to have feelings that differ on the exact same situation. You never know what has been leading up to the moments that caused a mother to react certain ways to certain situations. We love our babies! That's important. As long as baby and mother are not in any danger, there's really no reason to critique or comment on anything unless it's willingly asked for.
You just don't know it all, so stay in your lane.
Focus on your parenting, on your heart, and on your daily life. It's good to peek around and know what's happening, to let others in your lane and to get behind others. It's not a race, this motherhood journey. We're literally all doin' this thing the best we can, so let's just all be nice and do it together without being judgey, critical or just plain mean. Instead we can encourage and uplift. We can cry with each other during the hard times, and laugh together in the happier times.
Our world is in a very sad state, both physically and emotionally. Let's, as women and mothers, rise up and show kindness to one another. Let's be the ones to show our kids what it really means to love and be kind, no matter what. We can be the example of how to treat others, simply by being kind to one another even in the midst of our differences because that is what's really important.