It's crazy to me how just a few days ago, my year was going to be starting very different than it did. I was going to begin working outside the home full time, having two days a week at home. I'd come home after 6:30, and Nora would go to bed not long after.
I cannot express how grateful I am that the Lord stopped me in my tracks.
This was going to be a fun job... I was so excited to start this new journey! Without going into all the details, it was going to be impossible to make it work. We finally came to the conclusion after praying through my tears of confusion, that it just wasn't meant to be, and God had a better plan for me this year. Being totally honest, my biggest fears were letting down my friend who'd offered me the amazing job, the manager and owner, and the nanny we'd already hired. I wasn't taking into consideration my own health - emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.
So we decided to take the leap, and not accept the position I'd been offered over a month before. We decided that we'd take a step back, and allow God to move more; to be more intentional about involving him in our plans and dreams. You know what? I have never felt more light, free, and excited to release control.
My dream is to be a stay at home mother, making and teaching my family about the goodness of creating with our hands, and giving with our hearts... to homeschool Nora and our future child(ren), creating a place of love and creativity and peace, and have dinner ready for DJ when he comes home from work (he didn't even ask for this... lucky man). To host our family, and breathe in small moments, soaking up this life with my family and friends like family. I want to take it slow and allow myself room to sit and play with my babes on the floor, and not worry about how much time I don't have. And guess what: I've been gifted more time and grace to begin following these out, when I thought that I wouldn't have this time at home, watching my sweet girl grow and learn, day in and day out.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
Not every wife and mother is called to live life at home, and that's a beautiful thing. Some of my closest friends are hard-working mothers, and thrive working elsewhere with adults. I thought that maybe I could shape-shift into that role, but the reality is - I'm meant to be a stay at home mom, and I love it. I can bring an income home with my talents and skills, and I can care for my babes and home (which is a job in itself).
I'm living my dream right now!
I may not be exactly where I want to be, but that's okay. There is always room for improvement, and room to grow, and room to work harder at making our dreams reality. I'm allowing myself to take it slow... to breathe and go through my days without stressing. I felt like I lost this time. I thought I'd be away from Nora and my home five days a week, so I truly feel like I gained it back, and I'm treasuring it, savoring moments I was taking for granted. I'm learning I don't need to be busy to be valuable. I'm learning that is a wonderful thing to just play with my baby while she's awake, and it is more than okay to delay getting the dishes done or putting away the laundry. I don't feel the need to rush through my to-do list. I'll get it done, I will. But with a slowness and patience with time and allowing myself to feel each moment.
It's amazing how God works, huh? When you least expect it, he teaches and guides and shapes us into who we're meant to be. Following Jesus is hard. People will look at you funny, make snide remarks about your decisions, but I promise the reward is so worth it. This peace that I feel, I haven't felt in months. I have spent the majority of the last year stressed, overtired, unhealthy (physically, emotionally and spiritually)... and that time is over, finally.
I have several goals for this year, but my two blanket goals: take it slow, and find health for myself. I'm probably the most excited for a new year than I have in a long long time. We still have so many things ahead of us in even these next few months, that we aren't sure what God has planned, and we're antsy to see what's in store, but we know God is in control because we're finally releasing it all to him; allowing ourselves to take it slow, listen and obey to what we feel the Lord calls us to, and take control of what we can - which is taking care of our bodies, minds and souls.